Why We Homeschool

Someday I hope to write a synopsis on why we homeschool, but it won't be this eloquent and I would be repeating much of this author's ideas:

http://www.mothering.com/community/a/why-we-homeschool

Here is another great piece on unschooling that is making the rounds:

http://zenhabits.net/unschool/

A Typical Day's To-Do List

On my death bed, I will not remember or care that today I failed to:

• vacuum the smashed bits of saltine crackers on the family room rug
• wash Katie's peed on undies
• dead-head the blooms on the lavender bushes while my kids frolicked in the yard  

Today there was no vacuuming or washing.  There was no dead-heading.

There was no frolicking, because the water in the splash pool was too cold.  Katie didn't like the feel of grass under her bare feet.  "Up! Up!" (Hold me, mommy).  Andy spotted a yellow jacket and dashed inside.

Do you want to know the secret to being a happy stay-at-home mom?  The secret is not to stay at home!  Most days we don't.

Do you want to know the secret to having happy kids?  The secret is to say yes as often as possible.

Today Andy wanted to stay home, and I said "yes".

This was very hard for me.

On my death bed, I hope I will remember that I crossed some items off my kids' wish-list today:

• Walked with Katie to the horse ranch across the street, made horse-blowing noises.
• Watched as she poured water back and forth between two glasses.  Cleaned up the mess.
• Put a diaper on and off Elmo.  Put Elmo on and in the potty.
• Read and sing the picture book It's a Wonderful World.  Read and sing it again.  And again.  Point to the horse.  Point to the sheep.  Point to the monkeys "Eee, eeee, eee"!  Console: "Yes, I see that the baby has a lolli-pop, and yes, you want a lolli-pop. I'm sorry, we don't have any."  Turn the page quickly!
• Pick up, hold, kiss, snuggle.  Repeat.
• Learn the difference is relative size and geologic time period between the Allosaurus and the Giganotosaurus.  Compare models in a sandbox.
• Learn techniques for defeating a polly-graph, and watch as the Mythbusters team fail the test.
• Listen to ideas for future Myth-busters, such as "On a really cold day, is it possible to grow an icicle from your nose?"
• Read Mystery History of a Medieval Castle.  Learn about medieval table manners. Play the assassin board game inside the book.
• Read and learn about the disgusting 36 foot oarfish that lives in the deep and is rarely seen alive.
• Make plans for a Pokemon tournament and a Magic the Gathering game day.  
• Google funny cat videos on youtube.  Laugh together.

Brother's Day

Growing up, I sometimes asked my parents why there wasn't a Children's Day.  We celebrated Mother's Day and Father's Day, even Grandparents' Day, why not a Kids' Day?  My Dad's crusty reply was "Everyday is Kids' Day."

Now that I'm a parent, I understand where my Dad was coming from.  We put so much time and energy into our children that it seems there's little left over for ourselves.  Yet, with conventional parenting, children have very little say in all of that energy spent towards them.  All 365 of those "Kids Days" don't feel very special, with the exception of a birthday.

So when Andy asked me, "Can we have a Kid's Day?", I replied "Why Not?"  I've been influenced by Joyce Fetteroll's advice: "Don't drop all of your parenting rules at once.  Just say yes more!"

Today we celebrated our first Brother's Day.   Andy wanted to go fishing at Loch Lomond, pack a cooler full of Popsicles (what else?), play Magic the Gathering at home and eat popcorn.

He caught two little Bluegill and one small Bass.  Mike gutted them at home and fried them up in butter.  Andy actually tried a bite.  We picked through the bones with our fingers.  I found the fish moist, flaky and surprisingly sweet!

Speaking of sweet, I am growing wary of the sugar part of our unschooling experiment.  Andy asked for two more boxes of Popsicles--one box of the high-fructose corn syrup kind--and he bought Skittles at the lake today.  In all, he had three Popsicles on Brother's Day.  That's three more than I'd like him to eat.  The good news is that he decided he doesn't like the "Air Head" artificial-everything Popsicles, after all.

Day 2: Good choices?

Katie fell right to sleep last night, despite all of the sugar.  Andy had a hard time sleeping, which may have been due to the sugar, but may have been because of some life changes.


Today each child had one Popsicle, which emptied the box. Neither child asked for any more sweets for the rest of the day!

I realize now that Andy counted on me to set his sugar boundaries for him.  Since I performed that function, he didn't have the opportunity to learn for himself.  By relinquishing that role, I'm giving him a learning opportunity.  Sure, he hasn't read all that I have read about the problems with sugar, but he knows enough.  And all of my knowledge doesn't stop me from occasional binges and poor choices. Knowledge isn't enough to make good choices.  What leads to good choices, then?

Day 2 is too early to tell, but I'm hoping my kids will give me some insight before the year is through.

Day 1: Letting Go of Sugar Control

"Mommy, I'm going to have one more Popsicle and that's it....O.K?"  My eight year old son cocks his head at me.

"O.K," I say, clenching my jaw.  Andy doesn't notice.  He happily dashes off to the freezer. It's 8:00 at night.

I'm crazy, this is never going to work.  If Andy has another Popsicle, then Katie will want another.  This is their second Popsicle of the evening.  They've already had two other Popsicles earlier today, plus ice cream while out at the Boardwalk!  Will they ever go to sleep tonight?

Maybe this can work for other people's kids, but not my kids.  They have the genetic heritage of two hopeless sugar addicts, me and their father.  Can our kids, ages 8 and 2,  really learn to self-regulate?  Can I let them consume an unlimited amount of a substance known to cause dental caries, diabetes, heart disease and cancer?  

Despite my fear that sugar is the devil, I want to stop controlling my kids' intake of the sweet stuff.  Just like our national war on drugs is a failure, so is my domestic policing of junk food.  Scarce supply leads to increased demand.  The more I say "no" to candy, the more enticing and valuable it becomes in my kids' eyes and stomachs.

.

I ignored the warning signs that food restriction wasn't working for Andy.   My need to control was so powerful that I convinced myself that Andy's frequent tantrums were a result of a food allergy to corn syrup.   Experience has since shown me that corn syrup has little effect on his behavior, but my lack of empathy for his wants and needs has dramatic effects.  I regret that it took me so long to discover this.

Even with growing awareness that letting go leads to peace, I still struggle mightily with control.  I worry, as all parents do, about my kids' health, happiness and future success.  I hold on to the idea that I can control them.  It's an illusion that's strongly reinforced in our culture.

"52 Pick Up" is a year of starting over with my kids.  In 52 weeks, can I let go of the need to control their choices?  Can I let their bodies decide when they've had enough sugar?  Can I let them learn what they want to learn, when and how they want to learn it?  Can I be their partner and advocate in life, instead of their boss?

Today is the first day of the first week of a year of unschooling.

Inspiration for letting go of sugar control comes from Sandra Dodd's page "True Tales of Kids Turning Down Sweets".

More interesting reading here: http://sandradodd.com/eating/sugar